I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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