Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize