Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
