Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
