And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
