Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
