My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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