and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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