We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
