I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
