I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
