i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
