Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
