Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
