I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
