I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
