And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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