so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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