Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize