i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
