Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
