I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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