It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
