WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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