We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize