my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
