Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
did you just send me my own nude
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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