did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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