if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Houston, we have a squirter
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
