everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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