fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We left the knife in your bed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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