I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
