i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
