there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
