So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
