i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
