I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
