Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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