i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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