chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
