I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
