my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
