I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
