I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
