no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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