if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
