he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize