Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
