it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
