i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
