question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
