Apparently you make a good broom.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
