We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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