That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I pour the whiskey from now on
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
