Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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