Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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