I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
