And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
