I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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