It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
