I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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