Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
