What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
