"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize