hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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