lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
